Hi Dating Ladies!!

How’s the wonderful world of dating? Yeah, I know. It can be tough. But you have to put your big girl panties on and brave the weather, both sun, clouds and storm in order to find love. It’s worth it. Trust me.

I decided to check out the new Bravo show “MissAdvised.” The premise is that we follow 3 dating/relationship experts who are great at their jobs but lousy in their personal lives. I was hoping for drama and maybe some funny adventures. What I experienced was creepy and sad. The show doesn’t really fit a winning formula. It doesn’t have the screaming drama of “Real Housewives.” It’s not tragic with trainwreck scenes like on “Jersey Shore.” It had the potential for “Sex and the City” genius discussions but, like Tom Cruise trying to stay married, it never quite reaches its full potential. You want it to, you start out rooting for them, but then, you wise up and say, “There is something icky and lame about this whole thing.” And then you are no longer a fan.

The three ladies are each pretty in their own right and have some redeeming qualities. However, like most reality shows, what we see is them at their most pathetic, and it is neither entertaining nor funny. I don’t want to be like them. And unlike Snooki, who I would hang out with just to watch her drink like a fish and then fall on her face at yet another public place, these women don’t seem to be the types I would want to hang with. To me, the three ladies seem like they are trying to be someone else, and they are uncomfortable in their own skin, which makes the viewer uncomfortable. When Snooki falls on the floor, she owns it. When Big Ang says something, she says it loud and you know she means it.

Amy is in New York and a heavy-hitter in the Matchmaker world (or so the show sells her that way). She is pretty and fit and dresses well. Her “rules” for her clients are lame. Check them out:

http://www.bravotv.com/miss-advised/season-1/blogs/amy-laurent/fear-of-rejection?page=0,0

If I stuck to her rules, I would not have found my husband. I was the one to initiate. I emailed my number to Jonathan on Match.com and told him to call me. He did. And that was that. My sister wouldn’t be married either if it were up to Amy’s rules. She says, “Don’t date guys younger than you.” Well, my brother-in-law is eight years younger than my sister and they have now been happily married for over ten years. If women stick to very specific rules like this and limit themselves to absolutes, they will miss many chances to find a great guy. I should know. I used to stick to all sorts of dumb rules. But here’s the thing ladies – we are people and every single one of us is unique. And so are the guys. So every dating situation is unique. That’s what makes it so hard. Oh, and Amy’s rule about not sleeping with a guy till you have a commitment?! Absurd! I don’t know one guy in New York or L.A. who doesn’t want to have sex pretty soon to find out ALL the nuances of a woman. I myself think sexual compatibility is extremely important and it’s a major part of a relationship, so I like to find out if he’s a stud or a dud in bed way before I am head-over-heels. But what the hell do I know? I’m not on a national reality show. I’m not sure these three women should be either.

Amy breaks her rules and goes out with a younger guy. On the date, you can tell she has major food issues, to the point where it is uncomfortable to watch. They bring her hot chocolate with whipped cream on it and her eyes almost fall out of her head. Oh my! My poor Amy – just drink the goddamn hot chocolate. She has to have it removed and brought back with no whipped cream. She later breaks her rule and calls the guy when he hasn’t called her for days. This is fine by me. You do what you gotta do. But then she is a total bitch to him and confronts him on the date, which is so lame. No one appreciates that bullshit. It’s passive aggressive at its best. If you are going to bite the bullet and call the guy, then you need to get over it right there and then and move on. Amy then goes out with her ex, visiting from Dubai or somewhere. This guy looks like a total douche to me. He thinks he is good-looking and I guess some women would find him attractive, but all I see is “Player” written all over him. Your professor glasses aren’t fooling anyone dude. I know you’re spending hours in front of that mirror admiring yourself. You can cut the insecurity around Amy with a knife and it makes me sad. We are all insecure but hers is out there in neon lights.

Next is Emily. Living in San Francisco, she is the host of a radio show. “Sex with Emily” covers all topics, no matter how tacky or gross. Emily is pretty but she’s so thin, it makes me nervous. I want her to eat something. Anything. When women are this thin, they look harsh, instead of feminine and womanly. Imagining her having sex is like a skeleton dancing. One thinks, “Is that physically possible?” She mentions her threesomes and lesbian action and one-night stands like she is discussing the weather. It comes across as staged rather than racy. She accepts a date from a creepy black dude on her show who is so high, he can barely keeps his eyes open. If weed were cigarettes, this guy would be a two pack a day kind of guy. You can tell Emily would rather eat full-fat ice cream than go on a date with this guy, but she goes because her whole MO is to try anything. The date ends with him taking her to a strip joint and I watch, disgusted, as she stuffs dollar bills down the stripper’s G-string and then says she has to go home. She is hating every minute. Where are the balls on this girl? I would have given that guy a tongue-lashing on how this was the lamest date ever and how dare he take me to a strip club. Watching her bitch out this wannabe baller would have been really entertaining. Instead, we get to watch Emily go home and talk to her brother on the phone. Yawn.

Emily’s next “date” is with this uber creepy dude named Reid who is on the show extolling the life of Polyamorous people. He has Ken doll-like attributes but his teeth are way too big and his lips are fish-like (the Real Housewives try to get lips like these via collagen injections). His lips look like the kind that would slobber and drool on you and not in a “Wow, this is hot” way. More like in a “Please stop, I can’t breathe and I’m drowning” kind of way. Emily agrees to be Reid’s model for a kissing seminar. I’m glad I wasn’t eating when I watched this because it was seriously unappetizing. It appears that Emily will do anything for the camera. Perhaps if she had jumped on him and made out like Pamela Anderson on video, then one might be entertained. But she just looks uncomfortable the whole time and it makes me sad. We then have to endure her going to Reid’s place as he tries to get in her pants while his lesbian, unattractive wife watches. No thank you. There are so many ways this could have been made either funny or insightful, but instead, I just want to turn it off.

Julia completes the threesome and is definitely the most tragic. Like any self-involved, totally nuts and completely insecure actress, Julia spends her time trying to catch a man by not being herself and acting like an immature girl. Maybe she is an immature girl, but considering she can write decent pieces for Elle.com, she should be able to have an adult conversation with a date, and not spend it giggling and flipping her hair. Julia thinks she is funny but she is not, which makes her annoying. This could have been entertaining but unfortunately, it’s not done right. So she says something that she thinks is funny and all I do is furrow my brow and grimace. She hits on her roommate’s date, which is just downright tacky. Her roommate gives her a dirty look. Good for her. In fact, the roommate spends most of the time giving Julia disapproving “What the hell??!” looks. I can’t blame her.

Julia likes to beg. One date winds up with them playing “Spin the Bottle.” I’m sorry but who the hell plays Spin the Bottle over the age of 18? Really? The bottle lands on her “date” and she practically lunges at him. When he doesn’t give her a kiss, she whines until he gives her a peck on the cheek. The guy is cool and you can understand why he’s like “I’m outta here!”  On another date, Julia plans a romantic excursion in a limo for horseback riding and wine tasting. The guy is uncomfortable the whole time and looks like he would rather be doing his taxes than be out with this whackadoo chick. Julia squeals uncontrollably and flips her hair. She also demands a kiss in the limo and practically throws herself at the guy. I’m still trying to figure out what redeeming qualities Julia has. I’m sure they are there somewhere.

Overall, MissAdvised can be avoided. Let’s face the fact that all reality shows are partially scripted. They discuss beforehand what the scene will be, the topics and what will happen. Believe me, I know people in the business. So if that’s the case, then why couldn’t they give these ladies better cues. “Jump on him.” “Throw a drink in his face.”  “Fall off the horse so he can come to your rescue.” Stuff like that. I really miss the ladies on TV that I admire and would want as friends. I think this is why “Sex and the City” was such a hit and still has so many fans. I didn’t admire Samantha but she sure was entertaining! I can watch those episodes over and over. Why do we have to have another thing that shows the single woman as pathetic? In reality TV, you don’t have full scripts so you really have to depend on the characters being interesting and saying great things. I think these ladies were MissAdvised that they could pull off a great show.