Ladies!

Are you enjoying my stories? Let’s talk about male whores and the Himbo category from my online dating experiences, shall we?

This category online is particularly overpopulated. I had so many to choose from, that it could have filled its own book. Men like to have sex. We all know this. So do women – this point is not expressed enough. But it’s true. Women love sex, myself included. The difference, however, are the requirements with which we make our choices of whom to have sex with. Women like to know the guy and hopefully, be romantically involved. Men don’t need to know their sex partner. If they are horny, they will take anyone. Women can wait for the right guy to come along. Men treat it with more urgency and less importance, like needing to go to the bathroom. They gotta do it, NOW. And once it’s over, well, it’s over and they move on. I have to note here ladies, that I am referring to the men in this category, not all men. Just most men.

 

 

Most of the guys in this category online were looking for casual sex – oooh, there’s something new and different. I can’t believe guys still think that offering sex online will entice us. Sure, maybe you’ll get some Ho or slut wanting to partake, but these guys were barking up my tree, and I frankly was very offended. Guys have to work for casual sex. Women don’t go around picking up guys and sleeping with them just for fun (well, there are some exceptions like my gross, sex-crazed ex-roomate or the famous Samantha on “Sex and the City”). Sure, I have had casual sex, but I have to admit that afterwards, I felt a bit empty inside. My lust was fulfilled, but the heart? Not so much.  Most women want to date a guy and get to know him before jumping in the sack. HOWEVER, if a woman wants casual sex, as long as she’s reasonably attractive (and sometimes that doesn’t even matter since guys will screw ANYTHING), they can pick up a guy as easy as grabbing some milk from 7-Eleven. I could go into a bar, ANY bar, tonight and yell “So who wants to have sex with me tonight?” and guys will gladly volunteer. In fact, they’ll think Christmas just came early. Any woman could do this. Why? Because, as I said earlier, guys will have sex with almost any woman if it’s a one-night stand. If a guy tried this move and walked into a bar looking for obvious action, making it clear that all he wanted was to get laid, he may get lucky 1% of the time. But mostly, he will get disgusted looks and maybe some drinks thrown at him.

Just so you know guys, 75% of women are not interested in casual sex. Even sex without a lot of meaning has to be with a guy we can at least hold a conversation with and someone that doesn’t repulse us. I got so many offers for just about anything and everything from online scumbags. Invitations to “parties,” offers for guys to come over and give me a free massage, invites to meet for drinks on a Sat. night at 11:00 p.m. (We all know what that means).  Even worse, I got a lot of guys who were going to be in town just for the weekend or night and wanted to hook up. This was more insulting than them thinking I had an escort service. At least then, I would be a businesswoman. But these guys were just looking for free sex.  

 

 

Here are just  a few real winners:

 

LoversRock

 

His photos are all modeling photos and he is very handsome (what a waste). He says he’s 6’1. His profile says: I’m a dancing machine. Massage therapist. I ran 8 marathons in one year and I was an Eagle Scout. I believe in love and I want a lady out there to believe with me so we can make each other very happy.  Oh gee, you had me at “massage therapist.”

 

He emails me about every two weeks or so and says the same thing. He always emails on a Friday or Saturday trying to score a date for the weekend:

 

 

Email: Hello, my name is Philip. I am tall and athletic. I found your profile and photos very sexy and appealing. I do massage therapy for a living and I love to dance for fun. I feel we would make the hottest and sexiest couple ever. If you call me or choose to leave me your # I will give you a free 2 hour massage that will take you to heaven and make you feel beautiful, like an angel. My # is XXX. I double dare you to call me or leave me your # right now. Love Philip.

 

 

Yeah, “massage therapist” my ass. This guy had to be a male escort or prostitute. So I email back:

 

You’re a loser.

 

His response: I dare you to leave me your  number.

 

I don’t respond. But I keep getting the same email again and again:

 

Hello, my name is Philip. I find you very sexy. Please leave me your # because I want to go out with you.

 

I don’t respond.

 

His next email: Hello, my name is Philip. I loved your sexy photos and fun profile which made me smile. I do massage therapy for a living…blah blah… free massage…

 

Oy vay.

The next one is Masseuse 707. He’s a real winner. He emails me:

 

I totally love meeting new people and having some fun…drinks, photos, boating, etc… I have some fun questions, Supermodel…

 

Aut or stick

Thong or G

Comedy or drama

Oil or lotion massage

Sheer or cotton

Mixed or beers

 

Spontaneous or not

 

Shave or trim

 

 

Eeeeeew. Did he really just ask me questions about my underwear choice and how I take care of my coochie? You gotta be kidding. I don’t respond but he keeps emailing me:

 

I love tennis too (I had said I played tennis on my profile) and I import and sell to retailers…if we meet, would love to take some sexy pics of you on my boat.

 

 

Intellihot is 46 and is a Jewish guy living in New York. His profile says “When you’re frisky, I’ll be your partner in crime. I’m a tall sleek gym rat with steel-blue eyes…I have three graduate degrees…. This guy has written books that are supposedly used in all the major colleges, he has three degrees and seems somewhat intelligent. So what does he email me?

 

Cute…I want your

 

 

 

(*) (*)

 

   ).(

 

  (v)

 

 

 

Wow, smart AND an artist? Here’s my knight! Not!

 

The next guy sums his goals up in his user name: HunginCA

 

He emails me nonstop and does not care that I don’t respond. So, finally, I lose my cool and respond:

 

You’re seriously using the name “Hung in CA” and think that women who have any morals whatsoever would be interested in you?! Please. I think my profile shows that I’m an educated, intelligent woman, not a stripper or escort, or dingaling. So why the hell would you think I would want to talk to you? Get a life or go hire a hooker.

 

His response: Aw, that’s so shallow.

 

My response: I’m shallow?! That’s a laugh. You go around advertising that you have a big dick. If that’s all you have to offer, I feel very sorry for you.

 

His response: have you know sense of humor (he can’t even spell)? Smile, it’s good for you.

 

I don’t respond. I’m done with this jackass.

 

Jingles is 18 years old (WTF??!!) and lives in Illinois. He is a student. He emails me:

 

I’m going to travel all over the west coast this summer if all goes right. Hey, 18 is legal you know…lol…and ur certainly not that old (gee thanks)… if u wanna chat sometime, XXXX on both yahoo and msn messengers.

 

Ick.

AND MY FRIENDS WONDER WHY I’M STILL SINGLE””!!

Don’t forget about my upcoming book!

MY KNIGHT IN SHINING ARMOR IS COMING…

HE’S JUST STUCK IN TRAFFIC.