It’s less than a week till my book is epublished! I want to thank you for letting me give you some advance tidbits from the book. I hope you are enjoying them. Let’s continue my tales from dating in a sea of mediocrity and keeping the faith….
SAME = SAME, CHANGE = CHANGE
This basically means that if you do the same things and go to the same places, your life will remain exactly the same, like “Groundhog Day.” And for us single women, that can be a terrifying thought. If you continue the same pattern you are doing, living in your comfort zone, three more years are going to pass by as fast as lighting and you are going to have nothing to show for it except maybe the dining room chairs you refinished all by yourself or the fact that you have seen every episode of every bad sitcom or reality show that ever existed. Not exactly life-changing experiences. But, if you change it up a bit, you open up the opportunity for change. Example, go to a different place each week with your friends. I know bars are not the best place to meet guys, but single guys do still go there, so you never know. Plus, you can go to nice wine tastings or maybe a jazz bar where there might be a better quality of guys. Don’t stay and have seven drinks and get drunk, waiting for Super Stud to walk in. Just go for one drink. If nothing else, you can say that you made an effort. Men are everywhere, you just need to look. Of course, I couldn’t imagine how the hell you would flirt or approach a guy at a grocery store or at the gym, but at least keep your eyes open. I have been noticing a lot more guys lately with this new open attitude, which is good. And, if you notice guys, they may notice you back. Also a good thing. Of course, staring at the guy who is holding his girlfriend’s hand is probably a bad idea.
It is very tempting to stay home. It is safe in your comfort zone. I get it about the comfort zone, believe me. I was in the comfort zone for years. Work, then dinner or a movie with friends and then home. It’s fine if you never want to meet a guy. Being in your comfort zone means familiarity, safety. You know exactly what to expect and you can control it. No surprises, no letdowns, no frustration. Sounds pretty good, right? Well, yes, but if you ever want to meet a guy, then you are going to have to change it up. If you do go out, be prepared for some rejection and downright depressing episodes. Just like a warrior goes into battle hoping he might win, but also expecting some tough times, so too should you be prepared for all outcomes.
One night, my friend Wanda invited me to a party. I was hesitant, since it was for an actor (not a successful one) and I could already imagine his group of wannabe actor friends and how unenticing THAT was. But, I said to myself that I may as well go because you never know (the whole positive attitude thing). We went and ordered drinks and met some of their friends. Sure enough, they were total losers. First of all, not one guy in the whole place was tall enough for me, and second, mature enough to hold a conversation with a girl like me. One guy was a sweaty, hairy man that was so guido with his striped suit, gold chain and a silk shirt unbuttoned so low, it would make the Bee Gees blush. Then I saw one guy who was so cute and well-dressed. I got excited. He approached me, I sat up straight on my barstool, anticipating his hello, but he leaned over next to me and picked up the tray of dirty dishes by the bar!! He was the goddamn bus boy for the party. I was so embarrassed for myself, that I wanted to crawl into a hole and die. I went home and was so depressed the next day, I spent the whole day watching bad movies. I was in such a funk. It really made me realize that it can be so hard for women to put themselves out there. In your mind, you can say to yourself that there are still nice, good-looking, successful guys out there to be had. You can fantasize about it. But once you go out, all bets are off. You might see that all the guys at that particular place are just God awful. And it may keep happening over and over again until you lose the will to date ever again in your entire life. But, pick yourself up and dust yourself off and try again. It is the only option.
I will say that this idea of putting on the can do attitude and changing it up is not easy. And it can be extremely difficult to convince yourself to do this. When society tells us that we are supposed to be the “I don’t need anybody” single gal and be as strong as marble, trying to soften it up a bit and notice the guys around you can feel downright weird. I used to be embarrassed to take note of the guys around me. I felt like everyone was staring at me saying “Oh look at her LOOKING for a guy.” But I realized that it was my own crazy head talking and not others. Most people didn’t notice where I was looking and could really care less what I was doing. So I say go for it. Get out of those sweats, put a cute dress and some lipstick on and get your galpals and go out – to the theater, to a basketball game, to a new little bar – wherever and check out the guys. It CAN be fun. And it’s a way to meet them.
If you have tried all these and still have not met anyone, which is what happened to me, then, I know you might not want to hear it ladies….but…. you are going to have to try online dating. It is the modern way of dating and it can work.
MY KNIGHT IN SHINING ARMOR IS
HE’S JUST STUCK IN TRAFFIC.