Happy Holiday weekend Ladies!!

It has been a while since I honored the single gals so here is the continuation of Stupid questions that single ladies get from the GP.


REMINDER: I wrote these before I met my husband so I was a true single gal in every sense of the word!

QUESTION 8: “Well, you’re single but you’re happy, right?” It’s like saying to an amputee “Well, at least you have ONE good arm.” I mean, really. It totally implies that you are not a whole person unless you are married or in a relationship, so you just have to get on with your life and be as happy as possible eventhough you are living in a sea of despair. And then there is the other side, which is the society view that the single lady can be foot-loose and fancy free without a husband. Is that true?

There is such a big image set up today of the strong, single woman. She needs nobody. She is happy by herself. She can eat like a slob at home and wear her ratty flannel nightgown and not care at all. She can do what she wants, when she wants. She is the woman about town, the “That Girl” theme is heard behind her wherever she goes. Doesn’t that sound FABULOUS? Hell no. Sure, it was fun for a bunch of years but it sure is boring as hell now and quite lonely. Even with a ton of friends, and a full social calendar, nothing replaces the intimacy and experience of being with someone special, that couple relationship that is like no other. NOTHING.I blame the annoying character Samantha on “Sex & the City” for elevating this stupid image to idol status. Yeah, I’m sure you will be emotionally filled with one night stand after another. Being FABULOUS ain’t all it’s cracked up to be. Do you know how many times people compared me to Samantha JUST because I liked to wear designer clothes and am in Public Relations? It was so infuriating!! I was like  “Gee thanks, so you think I’m a whore!”

Oh slutty lady, how you irritate me!

 

And don’t tell me that your job is all you need. Boy, have you brainwashed yourself. And your cat can’t make love to you or take you to dinner. And if your cat does,  well you either deserve an amazing award for science or you need to go check yourself into a mental hospital. How do you answer this question? Am I happy EVENTHOUGH I’m single? It’s such a catch 22. If you say yes, you’re happy, then you imply that you’re done. You don’t need or want anyone. A complete package. I played this part for years. I stood there with my cape and superhero strength telling the world that I didn’t need a guy to be happy. I was JUST FINE thank you very much. Well, it’s bullshit. I absolutely want a relationship. I always have. I am just a relationship kinda gal. But if you answer that you are not happy, that you want a relationship, then you are pitied and looked at as desperate. I had a friend who talked incessantly about how unhappy and lonely she was. Let me tell you, she could clear a room in 2 minutes with her sob story. She was on the bottom of our list of who to call to go out on the town with. People will pity you if your answer is “NO” to the question. “Oh, look at her needing a man to be happy. That’s so sad.”

So what’s a gal to do when you are GENERALLY happy but would really really love someone to love. It’s like the Beatles song – “I Just Need Someone to Love.” Now they are talking about friends and friends are TERRIFIC! I really believe you can’t just have a boyfriend or just have friends. I believe that to really love, you need a bit of everything. It’s like a spice drawer missing the cinnamon or curry. Sure you could make a meal, but it won’t ever be a full gourmand’s dream.

It’s not that we NEED a man. It’s that we WANT a man. And there is a huge difference. Needing a man is like a woman in a boat in the middle of the ocean with no oars. She is helpless, scared and can’t get anywhere or do anything (or like me trying to iron a shirt or paint or do any home repair). Wanting a man is desiring something to add to your life, like jewelry or a better job. You may be able to live without it, but your life sure would be better with it. I am happy. I am a lucky person and I try to remind myself of that when I want to roll around and wallow in my singledom. I am thankful that I don’t need to be married out of financial security or for my self-esteem or for pressures from society. Why the hell do you think I am single? Finding Mr. Right is really hard. I prefer to be single than to be with some idiot who is wrong for me. But do you seriously think I will be happy being single for the rest of my life and never being able to share my life with someone? Hell no.

Single lady dining alone – you go girl!

 

This question, to me, is a wolf in sheep’s clothing. It is impossible to answer correctly and there are underlying meanings. After all, you could ask the same question to a married person – “You’re married, so you’re happy right?” Asking it this way is setting someone up for failure. When you’re married, you are SUPPOSED to be happy. Your fairy tale complete. Yeah right. For some, that is just no the case. How do I know? Well, from friends who have been unhappily married and also HELLOOO – divorce would not exist if everyone who was married was so gosh darn blissfully happy. So ladies, asking a single gal this same question is very aggressive. So why do people ask it? Because they are stupid. And because they think it is a general question like “So what do you do for a living?” For many, asking the single lady questions like this is par for the course. They just ask them without even thinking about how that question might affect the single woman being asked. If asked this question single ladies (and you probably will), I would recommend a philosophical response and say “Well, come on, I mean, is anyone ever REALLY completely happy?”