Ladies!!

Here is number 3 on the Top 10 List. I hope these are resonating with you, whether you are single or married for 20 years. I will never forget. It’s as memorable to me as if it were yesterday. I understand what “All the Single Ladies” (go Beyonce, it was my theme song last year!) are going through and all I can say is We Shall Overcome! :)

3. QUESTION: “IT WILL HAPPEN WHEN YOU LEAST EXPECT IT”

This classic statement has been heard throughout the nation by unwelcoming single ears. It’s one of my personal favorites. Let us ponder this statement shall we? Well, let’s see, if you’re at a party, and you are single and a cute guy starts talking to you, aren’t you maybe thinking, “Gee, this guy’s cute. Maybe he would ask me out.” Probably. Or wherever you are seeing a cute guy, isn’t that going to remind you that you are a single woman looking for a cute guy? It is always in the back of the minds of single ladies that they are, in fact, single and open to meeting a guy.  Society won’t let us forget that we are single – especially on Valentine’s Day, New Year’s Eve and at weddings. Sure, my married friends get hit on by guys and they don’t expect it but that’s just lame and makes me think men are pigs and well, just overall makes me grumpy.

So how can it happen when you least expect it? At a gay bar? A women’s symposium? In the Tampax aisle at the grocery store? Lady Gaga concert? Perhaps at a flower arranging class? (Gay men would make FABULOUS husbands if it weren’t for the sex part). Or maybe after a near-fatal accident while I’m in a body cast in the hospital. That’s it! My doctor will be really hot and he’ll nurse me back to health, giving me sponge baths and then, on the day the body cast is removed, he will get down on one knee and pop the question. COME ON.

I’ve heard evil rumors of women who are just friends for a long time with a guy and then allofasudden after two years, they get hit by Cupid and whammo, the guy turns into Prince Charming. Smells fishy doesn’t it? This scenario makes me confused because for me, physical chemistry is VERY important so if the chemistry is there, he’s no friend. And if I think he’s hot and we could be good together, it’s pretty easy to get him in bed. (He’s a man after all). The thought of chemistry growing over time sounds to me like a fungus in a petri dish – nothing good going on there. If Edgar wasn’t hot before to you, how is he hot now? Are you using hallucinogenic drugs? Are you drunk? Or lord no girl, don’t tell me that you are settling!!!

For me, I wanted heart-stopping, weak in the knees, fireworks love and I found it. Having a friend to spend your golden years with is a nice concept, but as my friend calls her chemistry-missing sometimes date, “Comfy sweater” – he’s dependable but how exciting is he? No wonder she is still looking for that guy who makes her heart go pitter-patter.  I wanted the Full Monty people. It was the only way I knew I had a shot at a long marriage. I knew that we could get through any argument or tough time as long as my heart was completely in it. And, let’s face it, I’m a total hopeless romantic. I even had a shirt in high school that said “Im an Incurable Romantic” on it.
And finding it was not a surprise. The fact that it was love at first sight and so fast was rather a shock, but I had been training for this all my life ladies. And I helped make it happen. WHY? Because I am a smart girl who takes action and decided that fate needed a little push. And being Crazy Old Maid Aunt Lindsley just was NOT going to work for me. So online dating I went (again) and found the guy in one month. Done.

My friend Taylor’s response when she is asked this laughable question is dead-on correct. When told that it will happen when she least expects it, she replies “Well, then it should have happened two years ago because that’s when I gave up – I haven’t been expecting it for years!” She really cracks me up. You tell ‘em sister!