Hello sexy ladies!

Did you have sex last night? The day before? Last week? I watched a Lifetime show the other night called “7 Days of Sex.” It takes 2 couples in each episode and tracks them as they go through a grueling, difficult experiment – they have to have sex with their spouse for SEVEN days straight, once per day. Can you imagine??!! They set it up as an incredible feat, like climbing Mount Everest. The commentary analyzes the couples and I can almost here “You’ve Lost That Loving Feeling” in the background.

Consistent sex – the impossible feat?

I hate to be snide but when I saw the ads, I thought to myself “Sex for 7 days in a row? Big deal.” But the truth of the matter is, for most couples it is a big deal. And that’s sad. Why is the problem of no sex running rampant in marriages? I think it comes down to the basic attitude difference about sex. Women can see sex as something they HAVE to do. Men see sex as something they NEED to do. And there you have it. Think about it. If women see sex as a chore, or something they do to please their husband, you can see how women can see it as not exactly a thrill-ride or something they can’t wait to do. For men, (this is my opinion of course), sex is a vital part of life and should be done regularly, like brushing your teeth or eating. I hate to make it sound so basic, but sex gives guys a release. It helps them relax, loosens tension.

Then there is the ugly truth that men can orgasm at the drop of a hat (or the sight of a naked woman) but women take much longer. We are more complex. In fact, sometimes we have barely got our engine going by the time the guy is done and ready to roll over and go back to sleep. Yay for us. Not. There are times that I would rather have a massage than have sex with my husband. It’s true. Someone taking a long time, caressing me, rubbing oil on me while all I do is relax and it’s all about me – well, that’s pure relaxation. But I love sex with my husband. I do. It’s a special connection that only belongs to us. Plus, he’s hot!

For many couples, this show points out, sex can be the last thing on their mind.

I understand that with kids (I don’t have any…yet), it can be nearly impossible to consummate your relationship. The kids are always around, they want to come into your room at all hours. Plus, the parents are just plain exhausted. I get that. It’s too bad that the side effect of having kids has to be a sexual dilemma with your significant other, but such can be the case.

Also, couples fall into a routine and rather than focus on their relationship, they take each other for granted and instead put all their energy into things like work, worrying about money, family issues, etc. All of these can be factors driving you to not being “in the mood.” And how many times does the woman say “I just don’t feel sexy.” This one really gets me mad because I know how they feel. It’s tough for guys to turn on romance when they have already brought the trophy home. They don’t feel like they have to work for it. I hate this about men. If they only knew what a couple of candles, some sexy music and maybe some foreplay could do to get us in the mood! To quote Marvin Gaye, we would be saying “Let’s Get It On!”

Disclaimer – if your husband is out of town working all the time, then this doesn’t even apply to you and I understand. I also hear there are guys who do not have big sex drives. I have yet to meet one. 😉

Of course, the most obvious is that the couple could not be getting along and so they co-exist and act as roommates, rather than husband and wife. The thrill is gone. The party is over. I have talked to some friends who didn’t have sex with their husbands for months and then wondered why their marriage was falling apart. Clue in ladies – if your husband doesn’t want to have sex with you, or you keep saying “No,” you are going to have a problem with your marriage. I remember watching “Bridesmaids” and the hilarious married blonde woman would gripe that her husband wanted to have sex with her…all the time. She hated it. I thought “How sad.” How do couples get to this point of not wanting to have sex?

I guess I am lucky since I am still in “Honeymoon” phase. I have only been with my husband for about 3 years (Married for almost 2) and so the sex is still fairly new and a major vehicle for feeling close and special to one another. It also wasn’t so long ago that I was single, and I remember being “in the mood” and not having anyone to fulfill my need. That sucked. So I appreciate when my husband is raring to go, even if I’m a bit tired. I know it’s a way for us to connect. You can watch TV, go to activities, eat dinner, have a conversation – all with friends. But the sex is something that should be considered special. And, here’s the kicker – it’s usually the woman’s choice. I’m SERIOUS. Most men are ready for sex anytime, and I mean anytime. So, it is the woman’s decision if she will have sex with her man or not. All I have to do is give one look or where one piece of lingerie and it’s show time in my house. Women wield the power of whether or not there will be sex going on.

So what do I think about that? Go for it! Sex is one of the reasons that you married your husband. If it’s not, then I truly feel sorry for you. You are missing out. Sex is a way to show love. If your guy is jumping you like a robot and takes 2 minutes to perform his function, then it’s time for a chat about foreplay and romance. Yes, you might have to tell him. No, they do not know this automatically. I thought they were supposed to, but this is not a Hollywood movie where the guy romances the woman for an hour before sex. Who has an hour anyways?