HI LADIES!

When we think something is wrong and outrageous, we should speak up right? Well get ready, because I’m about to rip into Jenny Allen. Who is Jenny Allen? Nobody I knew. But I just read a piece she wrote in The New Yorker called “I’m a Mom” and now I know who she is – a self-righteous, holier-than-thou, annoying braggart. I love the New Yorker and usually feel like the articles reflect my kind of thinking. But not today. Have you read this article? It’s nauseating. Everyone has a right to their opinion and I will tell you, right now, that in my opinion, Jenny is dead wrong. She basically says in a one-pager piece, that if you are a mom, you are a God, and if you are not a mom, you don’t count and you are a thorn in her Mom jeans. Well screw you Jenny.

Just glancing at this makes me cringe.

Being a mom is a wonderful thing. But saying that all moms are great, just because they are a mom is a gross generalization. Jenny, you’ve never met my mother. Come over and I’ll school you a bit. Most people know some crappy mothers. Have you heard of alcoholic moms? My friend’s mom was and let me tell you, it was nothing to praise. Jenny beats up childless women with reckless abandon in this piece. Jenny refers to Snooki and that she must now have had some miraculous realization that she was once an irresponsible drunk and now that she has a baby, she will turn into Mother Theresa. Who are you kidding Jenny? A leopard does not change their spots simply by having a cub. I was just at a party recently where a woman got completely drunk and hit on a guy in front of her husband. She is a mom. By the way, Jenny, I am not a mom and I behaved very well at the party. And my sister, who is not a mom AND single (quelle horreur!), was the picture perfect guest. To imply that a woman will become some perfect, moral, grade-A citizen just because she procreates, is downright stupid.

I am trying to get pregnant. I would like to be a mom because I love babies. But I don’t think I will become some heavenly creature like a rainbow unicorn if I give birth. I think many moms THINK they are super human beings (clearly Jenny thinks extremely high of herself as a mother). The reality is, you learn new skill sets when you become a mom and your priorities change. But you are still you. She talks about how moms don’t ever get thanked and they don’t expect it. Wrong. Sure, your kid might not thank you every time you make them breakfast or buy them clothes, but you get thanked by being loved and that’s all the thanks you need. And if you’re not teaching your kid how to be grateful, that’s your own damn fault. Nobody gets constant praise. Nobody. Jenny writes, “The single gals, the gals who haven’t had children, don’t understand that. They expect to be thanked for things.” Rubbish. Women everywhere do things that they don’t get thanked for, and that includes single non-moms. Doing extra hours at work, cooking dinner for your man, babysitting your friend’s kids, helping your own mother with errands – if we sat around and waited to get thanked, we’d be sitting for quite some time. Hell, just be a bridesmaid once and you’ll know all about not getting thanked.

Jenny also infuriates me to no end as she paints a horrible picture for single women. She addresses them with: “You may understand expensive shoes, and having meaningless, drunken sexual intercourse with men who never call the next day, and trying to cheer yourself up by buying yourself baubles…” What audacity! Jenny, my mixed up friend, I have many mom friends who buy expensive shoes, I have many single friends who do not have drunken, meaningless sex, and who the hell is buying baubles in this economy?! Wake up and smell the bullshit!

I really wish Jenny could get out of her mom support groups and go check out the other side. She just might find that single women and us childless women are just as giving, thoughtful and wonderful as you mistakenly think all moms are. Oh, and BY THE WAY:

  1. If my son expects me to iron his underpants and is still sending them to me when he is a grown man, like your son does, like some silly Momma’s boy, then I don’t want to be a mom.
  2. If I have to FedEx sanitary napkins to my daughters in college, because they are too stupid to know where a CVS or Walgreen’s is, then I don’t want to be a mom.
  3. If I have to cut my kid’s sandwiches into whimsical shapes with a cookie cutter, then I don’t want to be a mom. I don’t even like the word whimsical.
  4. If I am going to be so delusional as to think that a grilled cheese sandwich is a thoughtful, nutritious meal, then I don’t want to be a mom.

 

I Googled jenny Allen and she actually seems cool. She is a successful writer and a performer and she has done a play about having cancer that seems very insightful. I was shocked to read up on her after this piece, which seemed to have been written by a completely different person. I hope you revert back to your former, cooler, accepting, self.