Hello HOT ladies!

What’s the weather like where you are? You don’t want to know what the weather is like where I am! But I’m gonna tell you.

HOT HOT HOT!

My heart will always be in New England where I grew up, but my feet are firmly planted in Southern California!! Why doesn’t everyone live here? (Not that I want everyone to move here, but let me tell you, the weather is pretty amazing).

When I first moved to L.A. from NYC about 11 years ago, I asked a bunch of people why they moved here. I wanted to know other people’s story. I moved because New York was getting too stressful and too much of a rat race. Plus, I had a cousin in L.A. who need a roommate and friends here so why the hell not. It didn’t hurt that I visited in January when it was extremely cold back in New York. The people I asked had one unanimous answer- they moved for the weather. What a stupid reason to live somewhere, I thought. Just for the weather? There has to be better, more meaningful reasons to live somewhere, right? WRONG. It took me a while to find out, but now I see the (sun) light.

Only Marilyn can make Heat Wave chic!

As my dear friends in New York, Boston, DC and numerous other states are sweating their asses off, I am easy breezy covergirl in good ‘ol SoCal. I want to put in a note that I am only referring to SOCAL not Northern California here. San Francisco weather is terrible and I would rather live in Boston than in that hippie-loving place. I was once there in July and had to go buy a turtleneck for god’s sake. It was miserable. Nice place to visit but not to stay.

I admit that I absolutely live here for the weather. I walk the dog outside year-round. I play tennis year-round outdoors. My bike stays outside most of the time. My wardrobe changes subtly from shorts to pants and a light sweater. My umbrella rarely makes it out of the closet. There is no need for heavy apparatus – boots, gloves, hats – none of that nonsense. And in the OC, by the beach, even the hottest days are pleasant and livable. But there are many people who just DON”T GET IT.

I was in that Godforsaken place Wal-Mart the other day. It is a misery loves company kind of store. A convention of obese, unattractive people. You won’t find Big Bertha showing her face or rotund behind at Whole Foods no sir! She feels much better at Wal-Mart and I thank her for staying out of the stores I frequent most often. So I’m at Wal-Mart trying to return something that I bought online (hoping to avoid the store at all costs), and the very large woman behind the counter is chatting to her very large colleague about how hot it is. I just laugh. “It isn’t hot out,” I chime in. “Do you know how hot it is on the east coast? Cattle are dropping dead. You don’t know what hot is.” They look at me, confused and bewildered that I did not acknowledge their plight. I understand that many So Californians are ignorant when it comes to things like heavy rainfall, snow, blistering cold and heat, but COME ON! It has been all over the news for days now how most of the nation is under extreme duress due to skyrocketing temperatures. And here is Miss Genius saying she is hot. Now I’m sure the extra 70 pounds she is carrying is not helping her comfort level, but let’s try to put ourselves in someone else’s shoes. To complain about the “heat” in SoCal is a crime and a shame.

This is a typical Wal-mart shopper

I myself have ALMOST fallen into this trap. Let’s say it rains (gasp)! I go walk the dog, bitching under my breath because I have to try and maneuver the umbrella around the dog leash. I see my neighbors. They are grumpy. This rain just might kill them. Then, it’s the middle of summer and it is overcast – What shall we do?! Doomsday is upon us. Get real people. We have it good and we should know we have it good. For anyone who has moved to SoCal from anywhere else, they know exactly how privileged we are. And I am here to remind them – in winter, as they clutch their cotton sweater and remark on the chill (really) or in height of summer when it might be a bit hot out (gimme a break).

Knowing how great it is here, I wonder why people live in other states.I’m not trying to tell you all this to make you jealous. I’m pointing out a fact – most of us can choose where we live. Sure, I miss fall in New England. And there’s nothing like a White Christmas. But one can get on a plane and experience that for a few days and then return to heaven. Who would want to live in Arizona in the middle of August? Or Minnesota in December where it is subzero 63 days out of the year? No thank you. For day in and day out, give me SoCal any time. When we can choose where we want to live, why do people choose these states? The only problem for us Angelenos is trying to find other subjects to talk about besides the weather. Weather is a major topic for so many people, especially old folk. They love to comment on the weather. But I would sound like a broken record talking about how every day is a beautiful day. Quite a dilemma no?

You can sned this postcard any time of year!

So for all of you in other places other than SoCal – I feel for you. Come visit. The forecast? Sunny and perfect – just like my disposition!