Hello Ladies in the pink online!

Guess what?!

They found me. I didn’t think they would. I didn’t want them to. I hadn’t really thought of them in YEARS. But there they were, in my Facebook alerts, wanting to be friends.

Ex-boyfriends.

Ugh. The first one to find me was my ex who lives in London. I dated him 8 years ago. He was “cousins” with my assistant in L.A. and we hooked up when he came to visit from New York – AFTER being friends for a while. I definitely didn’t think it appropriate to date my assistant’s cousin, but hey, chemistry took over and life is short. Needless to say, my assistant didn’t tell me that they were only “cousins” in concept and she then divulged that she had a crush on him – about a month after we were dating. Great. He was a good boyfriend and was about to move to L.A. but it was weird because he didn’t have many friends in L.A. and well, as is the case with all ex-boyfriends, it didn’t work out.  I Friend him back because he’s a nice guy. He then CALLS me – I have the same cellphone number and we chat. I tell him I am getting married in two months. He says “Congratulations” but I am not convinced. He then asks me when I will next be in New York. “I have no idea,” I say. “I am getting married, then the honeymoon…. Hello, is he hearing any of this?” Whatev.

The second who found me KNOCKED ME OFF MY CHAIR, took the wind out of me and made me almost faint. The first love of my life, the ex beau from college, the one who broke my heart, the one I decided not to marry because he lived in Saudi Arabia. My friends all know who I am talking about. There he is, smiling at me via Facebook, wanting to connect. I stare at the screen for a LONG time and try to decide if I should open up Pandora’s box. I never looked for this guy. I did not want to find him. I was single and I knew he had been married just a couple years after we broke up – gotta love romance in Saudi Arabia. I friend him. We email back and forth. He says some VERY, VERY nice things. I am flattered but also upset. It is painful. He says he can’t believe I am still single. Yeah, well, me neither. He says if he was a guy here, (and I quote him verbatim) “I would go to the ends of the earth for you.” Awkward. It continues and it’s a long story which I will tell another time. But needless to say, I have officially had closure on this relationship. I doubt his wife appreciates that he looked for me. What are these people thinking??

A couple of ex boyfriends are friends on my Facebook because I was already in touch with them. They have been friends much longer than they were ever boyfriends. The time they were boyfriends was very short and sweet but probably shouldn’t have happened in the first place.

The next who finds me is a guy from Italy (he’s still there) who I met while a freshman in college while on a trip to Europe. I met him in front of the Mona Lisa at the Louvre (no joke). He was wearing a shirt that said ITALIANS DO IT BETTER. He was hot. I knew him for three days. Then he came to visit me for 4 days in Boston. He drove me nuts and was over-clingy. Then he went back to Italy. End of story. Doesn’t seem to be a very long romance does it? I didn’t think so. But apparently, I left such an impression that here he is finding me on Facebook. I wallow in my ego for a few minutes. Geez, I must be soooo hot for this guy to still be thinking about me after all this time. I study the photos. He just got married. Like a month ago. I friend him. What the hell. I am too curious. His page looks like a joint page for him and his wife. Huh? He IMs me. He has many nice compliments for me. He begins to reminisce about our time in Boston. How nice. I try to stick to safer topics like “How was your honeymoon?” and “Congratulations!” He doesn’t seem very interested in my topics. I ask him why he shares a page with his wife and doesn’t have his own. Apparently, his wife doesn’t trust him to have his own page. She knows him well. Here he is fresh off his honeymoon, newly married and finding me on Facebook. Men are dogs.

Now FACEBOOK gets really evil –

The next is my Ex-fiance. Yet another one that I really don’t need to talk to. I admit, I did search for him a while back for purely therapeutic reasons but could not find him. That’s because he is under an alias. The name of a famous movie director. Oh please. Sooo him to do that. Someone married him which is nice. I feel kinda sorry for her. He has a daughter and she is pretty. I am jealous because if a jerk like that can have a kid, why the hell don’t I have one? He is nice in his emails which is unlike how he was in our relationship. Friendly fun Facebook! Uh-huh. I am sarcastic in my emails back because he so deserves it. I never really did tell him what a jerk he was. We met in New York about 4 months after we broke up and I was cocky and told him that his 3-piece suit was lame (he said they were SO chic in Europe). I laughed and said “Can you believe we were engaged?!” He didn’t find that funny. I said “Oh come on, we were not right for each other. I wanted to smother you with a pillow at night.” Again, he did not find that funny.

 

So,I did get some closure then but I never really got to tell him just how selfish and obnoxious he was, so I figured throwing a teensy bit of sarcasm into our Facebook conversation couldn’t hurt. I take pleasure in knowing that he married a Romanian (he is half Romanian). I KNEW he would marry someone from that god forsaken place. He told me so many stories of corruption and how messed up it was, and now he’s telling me he’s doing business there. No wonder. I get bored and say “Bye.” I was way over THAT one a long time ago.

Next is an Ex from high school. Wow. This was a blast from the past. This was a sweet guy who was super smart. He ran circles around the other kids, and I’m talkin’ smart prep school kids. It doesn’t look like the years have been that kind to him. I know that’s mean to say. His hair is thinning and he is not in the best shape. Lord, what are they saying about me??!! I have no idea why he is Facebooking me. Surely a case of TNI – see below.

I have to admit that I am guilty of searching myself. I did try to find another ex in college for pure curiosity but no luck. And a few others so there you have it. Why? I call it TEMPORARY NOSTALGIA INSANITY (TNI). It’s like when you want to all of a sudden learn break dancing because you’re walking the dog and listening to your iPod and “Jam On It” or Run DMC or “Ice Ice Baby”  comes on and you start to do some moves right there in public. And you wonder why you never learned to break dance and you remember “Breakin 2” and how much you loved it. (NOTE – Don’t watch it now. You will be disappointed. It’s a “You had to be there” movie).

So that’s TNI for you.

Anyhoo, I looked up a boy I dated in high school who was very hunky and sweet. He was on the lacrosse team and one year younger than me. We went to prom together. I had lost a family heirloom – his grandfather’s signet ring. It only fit my thumb and we both thought it would be fine if I walked around with my fist closed so it would not fall off. Kids are so dumb. Seriously dumb. So I lost it and he never told his parents that I lost it. He took the blame. Sweet kid. I find him on Facebook and “friend” him. I want to put in a disclaimer that these times when I looked for exes, I was SINGLE so don’t think I’m some brazen hussy. He responds and we email back and forth, He married his college sweetheart (of course) and has 4 adorable blond kids (naturally). I am happy for him and sign off. Now I am depressed.

I do have a couple good Finding Nemo stories from Facebook. One of my best pals who I lost touch with when I was 21 was there on Facebook when I searched! I connected with her and have since seen her several times and we picked up right where we left off. I also am in touch with a bunch of gals from my high school and I enjoy looking at the photos of all their kids. It’s a quick snapshot into their world. Facebook is a good way to do a quick “shout out” to people when you just want to say hi. Of course, some go beyond the land of mundane and want to tell you “I just got my latte at Starbucks!” or “I had a ham sandwich for lunch.” Oh please. And don’t even get me started on the topic of over-sharing!!!

People want to relive old times. Sometimes that is good. Sometimes it is very bad.

Sooo what have we learned here people? That there is a LOT of TNI going around!! I mean tons. People want to go back to the good ol’ days. Unrequited love.

😉