Hello Ladies!!

This is part 2 of the Top 10. If you missed the first one, here’s a reminder:
When I was single, which was not too long ago (before June), I had written a lot about the trials and tribulations of being single. This excerpt was particularly made an impact on me because it really summed up what a lot of single women are feeling and how other people’s seemingly innocent comments can be like daggers to the heart. This list of the TOP 10 will be done in a series, with one each day just for you!

Single ladies have THICK skins. We have to. You would not believe the comments and questions we get all about the state of our singledom. Pregnant women complain that their big belly gives everyone the open door policy to tell them their sage advice on pregnancy or worse, their horror stories on labor, delivery, never getting your body back, etc. But I say the WORST experience for a woman is the open invitation people seem to think they have received to comment on your life, if you just happen to be single and over 35. Us women in this state know the all too wince-provoking, “inevitable like death,” idiotic and just plain rude things people will say.


This is as ridiculous as question one and very similar. I have so many wonderful responses for this question. I would love to say: “Let me get out my magic crystal ball and see if it will be so.” Even better would be to carry around an 8-Ball and take it out and shake it and say “I should have an answer for you in a minute.” That should shut them up. I also would love to answer in a way that may take some thought on their part. I would say very seriously, “Yes! It will be February 2011. God, I can’t wait to meet him!” Haha. Or super fun would be to say “Well, I’m pretty sure but he’s in prison so I have to wait a few years.” The look on their face would be priceless.

This question is impossible to answer and to ask an impossible question is just plain idiotic. They may as well be asking me if Jesus exists. How the hell should I know? Are they expecting you to then pour your heart out and say that you really hope you get married, but you don’t know if it will ever happen and it’s one of your worst fears and then burst out into tears right on the spot? I wish people knew that these questions are the equivalent to ripping out our hearts and stomping on them.

I guess the nicest and simplest answer you could give them would be to simply say “I really don’t know.” But you know they will never be okay with just that. They will offer advice that they are SURE you have never thought of like trying a new activity to meet men. That’s a classic. When my psychiatrist recommended I take up a musical instrument or a language class to meet men, I wanted to lunge at his throat. Didn’t he know I was already exhausted as it was trying to locate Mr. Right?? Now I have to learn goddamn Italian?? And if ONE MORE person offers to give me their worn and loved copy of “The Secret,” I am going to seriously lose my shit. That book is lame. It’s exactly the same thing as therapy people. You go in, talk about your life, focus on what you want and what you need to change and then go do it. Duh. If you think all day about not eating pie, you probably will remember to not eat pie. Or, you may do what I do sometimes and say “F*ck it” and go enjoy some goddamn pie. Everything is WORK. Just sitting in your bedroom putting a piece of paper with “Millionaire” as your goal on it in your Disney Princess jewelry box and wishing and hoping to be a millionaire is not going to make you win Publisher’s Clearing House. It just don’t work that way kids. Sorry.
Ladies, when you are asked this question, you can make light of it by waxing philosophical and say “Who knows? The world is a fickle place. I could get hit by a bus tomorrow. You could get hit by a bus tomorrow. My future husband could get hit by a bus tomorrow.” While they ponder your enlightened thoughts, you can look at your watch and be conveniently late for something.

Have a PINK day ladies!