I don’t know about you, but there is no amount of money or fame you could give me to touch an 85-year old’s penis.

Well, don’t seem so shocked. Crystal Harris did it. Now Anna Sophia Berglund’s gonna have to do it. Pretty unappetizing if you ask me.

I’m not sure what kind of person it takes to sacrifice yourself to be the main squeeze of an 85-year old grandpa but I’m guessing it takes someone who has a memory that can be easily erased. Perhaps, now that Crystal is away from the old doddering man, she can stare at her engagement ring and Facebook fame and imagine where she can go next. Perhaps she can forget the times she had to mack all over the crumbly, wrinkled man in order to get the attention from the media she felt she so deserves. I guess it wouldn’t be as nauseous-inducing to just give him a couple closed-mouth pecks to keep him satisfied – kinda what Anna Nicole Smith had to do for her geriatric groom. But Hugh himself has said that he still enjoys sex. Gross me out the door ladies and gentlemen!!

Thinking about the feasibility of Hef being able to have at it with his buxom blondes in a manly way seems difficult. If you have seen him lately on the TV, he is not exactly the robust bull he may have once been. In fact, it appears a strong wind could blow him over, as he shuffles along in his droopy robe and slippers. Which brings me to the conclusion that he probably just lays there, jacked up on Viagra, while the girls do their job. They sure are missing out on some good sex, if you ask me. They are 25!!! Do you remember how hot sex is at 25?! Yeah, that’s right. I’m sure Kendra was getting all sorts of action from proper young studs while under the watchful eye of the manor. No wonder she left.

Give Grandpa a Kiss!

If you are a guy, you can easily see why Mr. Playboy would surround himself with 25-year young meat. It is pretty. It is sexy. I myself would hope that Hugh might want a conversation with someone who may know a thing or two about the world, someone with some life experience and not a bubblehead whose biggest accomplishment was attending college. But what the hell do I know? Perhaps he likes being the man on the mountain who knows everything and loves telling his little girls what’s what. Oh, the ego of a man!

The thing I really don’t get is how these young women can live with their conscience being the girlfriend to a grandpa. There is a 60-year-old difference between him and Crystal (or Anna Sophia – take your pick, they seem to be interchangeable). That’s a whole person in between and not a young person, an old-ass 60-year-old person. Am I the only one skeeved out? How drunk do you have to get to caress a wrinkly 85-year old’s bare chest (or other parts – blech)? How much money do you need to tell yourself that you don’t look like an idiot being engaged to a corpse? I certainly don’t have the answers.

Which one is the idiot?

I would just love to get in the minds of these women and do the proper psychological work-up to understand what the hell is going on. And what about the media and society who say “Good for Hef!” and “How cute!” instead of the proper response which is “WTF???!!!” or “Yeah like THAT’S a real relationship!”

Some things I guess I will never understand. And you know what, that’s okay.