Ooh la la Ladies!!

It is Pole time again!!!



Today, we learn how to strip. I am having a major clothing dilemma. I try on a few ensembles and think of the factors – I need a shirt that is easy to take off. I don’t wear skimpy clothes because I am not a skimpy gal. My friends like Kristin who is a size nothing and Becky who is a model can easily wear the tiniest of workout clothes and make women everywhere want to tar and feather them. Me, well, I don’t look bad, but Victoria’s Secret supermodel I am not. I also need a secondary top that looks good once I take off my shirt. Am I overanalyzing this or what??!!

I am not even THINKING about the fact that we have to strip in class in front of the other ladies. Luckily, it’s pretend strip because we take off a top to reveal a sports bra or whatever underneath. My instructor wears a modest nude colored bra. It’s still a bit odd, the thought of taking off clothes in class. But I guess that’s what the class is all about – trying something new and a bit out of our comfort zone.

We are warming up and the instructor is saying her usual words of encouragement like “Take a look at your gorgeous legs as they reach up to the lights,” or “Feel the cool floor with your hand as you sweep across it.” Stuff like that. We are on our backs with our legs in the air (no jokes please) and she says to caress your hands down your leg “or stubble in my case” – we all laugh. I had just shaved the night before but I could totally relate. I love that the instructor is so real. She is not trying to tell us to be someone else. She tells us to not be critical of ourselves. It is ironic that she says this JUST when I was thinking how bad my flexibility is. I was grumpy as I tried to pull my legs straighter and closer to my face. I was just completely criticizing myself. Her words helped me to let it go. I relaxed. The warm up is always so good. Freeing and puts you in the zone.

We put on our stripper shoes for the dance portion of the class. The first two songs she plays I LOVE. One is from “Stealing Beauty.” I found the movie kind of weird. Jeremy Irons had a weird old man creepy thing going on but the soundtrack is uber sexy.

We also have been taught the lap dance on a chair. I omitted this fact up until now because again, it carries that stereotype of cheap stripper and not a fun class for cool ladies who are not strippers. But yes, we have learned the lap dance. There are two large overstuffed chairs for this purpose in class. Now, here’s the part I don’t like. They ask ladies to sit in the chair while you dance, being the uh, err, object of your affection for the lap dance. They try to do it as PC as possible, saying that if you are sitting in the chair, remain perfectly still and close your eyes when the lady dancing descends upon you. Okay.

I cringe when I am asked to sit in the chair. It just seems so icky to me to be the “John” in the chair watching while some woman tries to seduce me with her body. I suppose it is a process we need to go through, to not be self-conscious when you are watching or someone else is watching you dance. But I really don’t get a thrill having some chick put her boobs in my face. Blech.

I like doing the lap dance. It is fun and sexy and hot. And I have tried it out on my husband at home. He likes it (understatement). But to be writhing and grinding on a woman is a bit awkward for me. I’m not a prude and I don’t have a problem with lesbians, but I myself just don’t really want to be doing it to a lady. I would rather have an empty chair because I can easily IMAGINE my hot husband sitting there, or George Clooney, or Brad Pitt. And I would dance ever-so-enthusiastically for these people. But a chick? It has a bit of ick factor for me. I think they have you dance with a fellow classmate in the chair so you can get a feel of dancing with a body there, and I do understand that. And also, probably to not feel inhibited grinding on someone. But it’s still a bit weird.

At the end of class, one of my classmates says she wants to get a group together to go to a strip club. Gulp. Awkward. No one says anything. I speak up (of course). I say that I am not interested and that my husband and I have a rule that neither of us go to strip clubs. It’s a respect thing. There is an awkward silence so I try to lighten it up and say “But we strip for each other at home and that is very entertaining!” One of the ladies laughs and says “It’s good to have fun.” She’s right.

I don’t like to say bad things about my classmates. The S Factor ladies are truly amazing and each one of us is one-of-a-kind. However, there is this one woman who just gets me worked up when she talks about the strip clubs she is going to and asking us if we want to go. This is the same woman who literally RUNS to the chair when the instructor asks for someone to go sit in it so the dancer can do their lap dance. What’s up with that??!! And when she dances, she totally loves having people watch her. She is always the last to finish, drawing out her dance as long as possible, I have never been much of an exhibitionist myself, but to each their own I guess. She continues to talk about strip clubs eventhough no one has said they were interested. I feel pressured and I don’t like it.

We leave and re-enter the real world. It’s always funny to walk out of the dark classroom into the bright sunlight and realize that it is daytime. One friend says she has to go grocery shopping. Another says she has to go to a kid’s birthday party. I myself need to run errands. Oh the life of a “Private Dancer!”

LADIES – You have to decide for yourself what is “right” and “wrong” in your world. Just as foul language might offend one and not the other, so too might my doing the S Factor class have some women saying “ick.” I have strong convictions and even if they are weird, or others may not like them, I need to be me. And I encourage you to be you. If you want to go to a strip club, go. If you and your man or friends or whatever enjoy burlesque, that’s great. I myself am a jealous person and I don’t want to give my husband any opportunities to think even more about naked women. He’s a man after all.