Let’s kick off the week ladies!
I had an interesting discussion this weekend with some friends on how we react to people, especially when they are being ridiculous, and what to do with difficult people. A friend of mine is a waitress at an upscale restaurant in New York. She had a woman diner who seemed very surly and said she disliked her fish, after eating the whole thing. Hmmmmm… Yes, she’s one of THOSE people. Nothing is going to make her happy. My friend says to her. “I wish you had said something because we could have done something about it. What would you like me to do?” Now I know my friend well. She has a no-nonsense attitude and perhaps her personality may have made the woman feel that my friend did not care whether or not she liked her fish. And she probably didn’t. I personally wouldn’t care. But my friend is very good at her job and also a professional, so I have no doubt that she dealt with the situation properly. All the woman had to say was “I would like my fish refunded” and my friend would have made that happen. But instead the woman played passive-aggressive and just said “No, nothing. Just the check please.” So she got her check and paid and left. And then wrote a nasty review on Yelp, attacking my friend and making up stuff about her treatment. So unfair.
My friend and I discussed this in length and my friend questioned her judgment. She told me that she had done the right thing, but I know that this had upset my friend and she was second-guessing herself about what how she dealt with this difficult woman and wondering if it was all her fault. I assured her it wasn’t. You cannot please everyone and many people just are downright jerks. I have seen them. I have heard them. My friend was married to one. We went out to dinner and he practically ripped the waitress’ head off because she brought us white rice instead of brown. “Does that look brown to you?” he yelled. I was mortified and I hated this guy immediately. Who treats people that way? I think being a waiter has got to be very tough and I respect all of them for going out there and dealing with the GP every day. Lord knows, I could not do it. I would be telling them where they could stick their fish and bringing stuff late on purpose just so they could be taught a lesson. Or how about all those poor souls at Starbucks dealing with the A-holes who have such a sense of entitlement to the perfect caffeine beverage, their way, the RIGHT way, RIGHT NOW. I would last 5 minutes there. When someone gave me a mile long order for a stupid drink, I would just look at them like they were a pain-in-the-ass moron. So let’s be glad ladies that I am not out there serving the general public!
On Saturday, I am in line with my sister and my niece at SeaWorld and waiting and waiting and waiting. It was one of those summer tourist lines, the hour and 45 minutes lines, the “I am going to die in this line” lines. My sister, since she is in entertainment production and an A-type personality like myself, cannot stand when things are not run efficiently. She comments how this entire place could be run better. And she’s right. But I learned a long time ago that most things are run badly and the world is full of idiots. So I don’t let most stuff bother me (or I try not to) because otherwise, I would be irritated ALL THE TIME. I tell my sister my friend’s fish story and we talk about how ridiculous people can be. She tells me about the theater director at my niece’s camp who is right out of “Waiting For Guffman” – if you haven’t seen that movie, go rent it. It’s hilarious. My sister has to take her daughter and a friend out of theater class early, so they can head to SeaWorld. Theater guy is NOT happy about this. “You can’t do that,” he implores. “You can’t take them out early. Rehearsal is VERY important.” Gimme a break. Like them missing one last run through of their no-line, small part would make a difference in the play’s success. But she knew he just wanted to be heard. So she kindly said, “I know. I am sooooo sorry. But it’s a family event. I can not help it.” He doesn’t have to know it was to just go to SeaWorld.
I myself watched as a man went ballistic on a young girl at a boat rental place. It was in Newport Beach, a couple weeks ago, basically in the middle of summer. He couldn’t find parking and therefore, it made him late for his boat rental with his wife and he was pissed. So he stood there at the counter complaining about how he couldn’t BELIEVE the terrible parking situation and it was ridiculous, and so on and so forth. The girl behind the counter didn’t know how to deal with this loud, irritating person. So, of course, me being me, I could not sit and watch as this man yelled at this poor 18 year old girl like it was her fault that there was no parking. So I chimed in “Umm…it’s Newport Beach in the middle of summer. Of course it’s going to be hard to find parking.” Like duh mister. My husband was in fact, at that very moment, driving around trying to find parking as I went ahead and got our boat rental organized. But rather than get upset and act like a moron, and think HOW COULD THERE BE TRAFFIC GODDAMIT, we just took it in stride and said it is what it is.
So this man, who thought he looked cool in his ridiculous big designer sunglasses and gold chain that was getting caught in his disgusting chest hair, turned to me and said “I grew up around here.” “OH!” I said. “So you must have known that the parking would be bad?” Haha. I LOVE toying with assholes. He just squinted his eyes up and gave me a menacing look. I smiled.
This is where I am immensely happy that I am not the girl behind the counter and not dealing with the GP. I think it is very difficult to deal with most people. Of course, I am no delight. I’m sure I too ask ridiculous questions, and take too much time ordering something or whatever. But I think the most important thing to remember is EMPATHY. It is all anyone wants. I think they should teach this to anyone dealing in customer service with the GP. All this 18-year old had to say was “I know the parking around here is awful. They really should build a big parking structure. It’s a problem every time. Unfortunately, we can’t fix that problem.” Then at least the guy would know he has been heard and someone knows his plight. That’s really all we want, isn’t it.
I try to empathize with the waiter who I know is dealing with people who want everything now. I try to empathize with people who have nothing to do with a bad situation, like traffic, or bad weather – you have no idea how many people COMPLAIN at tennis tournaments, golf, etc. to the people running the event if it rains. Yes, like the organizers talked to Mother Nature and said, “Oh please can you ruin our event so we can deal with idiots all day telling us that their life has been ruined by the rain.”
So the next time you are in one of these situations, my dear ladies, when you are frustrated and about to get very upset, please take a moment to think to yourself, “Is this really this person’s fault?” It may not be and therefore, please empathize with them and just deal. And, when dealing with an A-hole who is complaining, don’t do like me who loves to get all sarcastic and teach them a lesson. It’s fun, believe me, but not exactly the best strategy. If you empathize with this person instead, then you and they will feel much better. “I understand.” “I hear you.” “Yes, it sucks.”