Happy mid-week ladies!
I swear sometimes I think I am the only sane person on the planet. Or I am living in ignorant bliss. Either way, I feel superior on certain subjects, like I have insight that no one has (I know I’m crazy but let me live in my world). The latest thorn in my side is hearing about kids dating – as in kids under 5. REALLY people?!
So cute! But is it?
SHOULD A 5-YEAR OLD BOY HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
I just got off the phone with my friend. She is telling me the story of her son and his dating life. He is 5 years old. It all started when Ben liked a girl at school and decided he wanted her as his girlfriend and wanted to take her on a date. He became obsessed with this idea and pestered my friend and her husband incessantly until they let him take his “girlfriend” to the ice cream parlor. That was their “date.” My friend tells me this story as if it is the CUTEST thing ever and shouldn’t I be all “Aw shucks” and “Ain’t love grand?” Well, I’m not. I think it is seriously disturbing that a 5 year old even knows the concept of girlfriend and dating and wants to do these grown-up things.
If that were my child, we’d be sitting down to a serious talk about how kids don’t have girlfriends or boyfriends. I would explain that it is something you do when you are older and that dating is done when you hit puberty or can drive a car. I would add that these special feelings he feels towards this girl are great and she can be his best friend or one of his best friends. I think to let a child go on a “date” and allow them to pursue a girlfriend, while it seems all innocent and Disney-esque, is incredibly serious. It is at these ages that kids find their personalities, values and establish relationships. Why would you want to create competition and “ownership” values between boys and girls at such a young age? Now besides learning how to write, they need to worry about who their boyfriend is? Talk about peer pressure! What’s next – spin the bottle with the milk carton? This behavior is not cutesie cute. It is disturbing and yet again trying to have our kids do things that we do as adults. They are not ready for this behavior.
The story continues. Now Ben says he has to break up with his girlfriend because there is another girl who is prettier in class. Reminder – he is FIVE years old. My friend tells me this and I just sigh. This is so wrong in my book. What was that I was saying about competition? Yup. As if we didn’t base things on looks enough, now these poor kids have to worry about the opposite sex and they don’t even know math! Ugh. My friend doesn’t know what she is going to say to him. She wasn’t upset about the girlfriend thing before, but now that he is talking about going after the prettier girl, well, it’s getting bad.
Are they fighting over a toy or a man?
When I was in New York, I met up with one of my friends at the zoo. She brought her adorable two girls and a friend and her son came. As we were walking around the zoo, Cindy held hands with little George. My friend beamed and said to me “Oh that’s Cindy’s BOYFRIEND. They are 3 years old.
Now before you say “What’s the big deal? They don’t know what it really means. They are just having fun.” Yeah well, just look at bullies and the world and you will learn that words are powerful. The term “girlfriend” might be cute but it comes with a label. What happens when your little Suzy comes home crying from school because she doesn’t have a boyfriend? How can little girls nurture friendships with other girls if they now see them as competition to be someone’s girlfriend? It’s twisted.
The last one I will tell you about is my friend whose daughter Jenny went through a period last year where she HAD to have a wedding. What did the parents do? They indulged the girl and let her have a wedding. It was small and more make believe than not. It involved a used veil and a cake. She is 9 years old. She recently boasted to her mother that she had “bagged” an older man, some kid who is 10. Oh brother. My friend thought this was hilarious. Huh? I had to knock some sense into her about how this verbal maturity can be very damaging. Using terms like this could end up with her being seen as a slut in a matter of a year of two.
All three examples above involve smart parents. Which makes it even scarier. Parents need to see that the terms and words their kids use are an expression of inner desires and society influencing them. Rather than laugh it off as cute, they would be better off discussing it with their kids and helping them see that acting like a grown-up should really be left to the grown-ups.
I am horrified that so-called intellegent parents are indulging their young children in these fantasies! I would be interested to hear a response from an expert in the field of child psychology. I tend to agree with “Pink Lady” that this king of “encouragement” could have negative effects on a child’s evolving self-image. Surely there is a better way to address these “childish requests?”