Good Morning Ladies!!

But….is it?

I started my day cleaning up diarrhea. Yup. Miss Winnie, who has a very delicate stomach, just couldn’t help herself and let ‘er rip all over the WHITE rug in the bathroom. Ugh. Major massacre. The stench? Overwhelming. The sight? Extremely unsettling.

Of course, I was not the one to discover this situation. My husband did. So, I am downstairs putting away the pots and pans from last night and I hear my husband call my name and then say “Oh No! Oh Winnie!” Uh-oh. I know what this means. I run upstairs while the dog flees by me in the other direction. The husband stands away from the bathroom with a towel over his mouth and nose, looking at me. You see, my dear ladies, since I came into the marriage with Winnie, and previously had her for 9 years prior to knowing my husband, it is considered MY dog and anything that goes in, and (unfortunately) comes out of my dog, is my responsibility. How I wish my husband would be a little more flexible in this area. But no.

I can’t be too hard on him because Miss Winnie has made it clear that she is my dog. She follows me around and treats Jonathan with a snob-like air of disdain. She will allow him to rub her ears now and then but it is after much begging and whimpering (by my husband, not the dog). So, when Winnie has a mishap, I oblige by taking care of the situation.

How can such an adorable, dainty dog create something so disgusting???

I know that dogs are good precursors to children. You have to move your schedule around to fit their needs, they depend on you and you have to clean up after them. Let me tell you, I am WELL prepared in the cleaning up department. I know how bad a kid’s poop can be. I was there many a time with my niece wondering what devil had possessed her to create such a disgusting, potent concoction in her diaper. But then, you haven’t seen what MY DOG can do. She excels in this area. Think Montezuma’s Revenge at its zenith. I am not sure what gets Miss Winnie’s system all worked up but it has happened numerous times. We had a horrific experience with ham once. We will NEVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER give her ham again. Ever.

When we go to the beach, she thinks the ocean is a gigantic water bowl, so she drinks up. This perplexes me because my dog is actually pretty smart, so you would think she would have figured out by now that salt water makes her system go whackadoozie. She has not.

There is no time to sit and think what may have attacked my dog’s system. So, I grab my rubber gloves, roll of paper towels, various cleaning products and liquids, hold my breath and get to work. My husband, who has fled the scene at warp speed, is happy to go to work and not be a part of the cleanup crew.

The rug survived. I survived. The dog is outside looking vexed. I email my husband to tell him the rug made it. However, I do tell him that I would hope that if we do have children, if this scenario happens, it will not be MY child but OUR child. So he better get the gas mask, Hazmat suit and gag reflex ready.

P.S. There are not many times when poop is funny. Here is a photo of some erasers that my niece has. Yes, that is a toilet, TP, plunger and poop. It never ceases to amaze me what kids like to collect and what companies will make to entertain them.